A Conversation

Ask me a question.

Go on -- ask. Don't be shy; I'm certainly not.

I'll start you off: I'm Thomas. I introduced myself to you a few months ago.

I spent time detailing myself, who I am, physically. What and whom I love. I told you I'm a Buckeye, and that I talk. A Lot. A lot is an understatement, really. I am always communicating, talking, and listening, and interacting with the world. Holding doors and exchanging smiles; it's who I am. You know these things about me -- that I'm a WOO -- but you don't know why. You don't know what makes me talk, or sing, or shout out loud. You don't know my story.

You want to hear it?

Why didn't you say so?!

It starts in New South Wales -- where the first Thomas David Phillips is about to journey across the Atlantic and settle in the new territories... Just kidding; I won't start that far back.

I suppose I'll begin in middle school, where I was the fat kid, the fat kid who could sing and play music and create art -- but who missed out on the playground, who was picked last, and teased.

Or maybe I'll start you off in High School, where I became a successful state champion water polo player, lost weight, and joined the theater -- only to be called gay.  I went to an all boys high school,  and my higher-pitched voice in combination with my ability to distinguish the color salmon from coral automatically made me a target of cruel rumors and ridicule.

Though, I suppose none of that matters -- certainly it influenced who I am today -- but really, it is not other people's hatred nor their ignorance that shaped me. It was my response. Learning to stand up for myself, and finding the tried and true friends, are what make me the man I am.

By myself, in isolation, I am nothing. I am nothing without the friends and family who have formed and molded me to this point. I am nothing without the poor experiences that have taught me to get back up.

Ohio State has given me the best, and certainly most unique combination of experiences in my life. And there are still curveballs coming. I will be the first to admit that I have not always made good decisions; some of my actions have hurt others, and put my relationships in jeopardy.

I'm not proud of everything I've done. In fact, sometimes I look back and wonder what I was thinking, if I was thinking at all.

But I learn. And I continue to talk, and live, and grow.

I apologize if I was long-winded -- but by now, friend, I expect that you know that about me.

Thanks for the conversation!

Leadership Review

I struggled to think of a good person to talk to for this assignment. I am no longer involved in one of the student organizations that I spent the most time in for my freshman and sophomore years. As such, I had to think of who i could reach out to that would know and understand my leadership style. It happened this past weekend when I was hanging out with an old friend from my former organization. I had helped bring him into the program, and he never fails to let me know how important my friendship was to him early on. I openly welcomed him, gave him advice on how to behave in certain new situations, and helped usher him into a great position of leadership where he earned a lot of respect. He was recently elected to an even higher position in the organization, and he still credits me as the reason he joined. After this conversation with him, (where I did hear some negative feedback that I graciously accepted) I left feeling like I had helped to make a difference in his life, and because of that, he was going to be making a difference in a hundred more lives. It was great to hear him confirm certain beliefs I already held about my leadership style, and even better to hear his insight into things I'd never considered. I really enjoyed this exercise; I will probably ask more people about my leadership in the future.

Passion for Change

In thinking about what I am passionate about, and what change I would like to see in the world -- I struggled. There are many movements that I am associated with, and I always like to see their interests advanced. However, on the whole, it took me some time to think about what kind of change I would like to see fulfilled in this world. I decided that the world needs to be more open -- that is, people need to be more honest and in turn, trusting of each other. People are inherently good, but as humans, we get caught up in judgment of our neighbor. We decide, in error, that because of your religion, or your culture, your skin color or how you dress, that we know what kind of person you are, or what kind of person you will be. We ascribe our own stereotypes on total strangers, and we wonder why we have a problem as a society working with, and trusting the people who we *don't* judge. It's a problem. I said in a previous blog post that I don't believe in strangers. Every "stranger" that you might point out to me on the street is simply a friend I haven't met yet. And while it's true that I am guilty of judging -- it isn't something I am proud of -- it is crucial that we as humans begin to recognize the inherent dignity and goodness of all other humans. I think that an individual dedication to this ideal could bring about change. Focusing on the 3 C's of Congruence, Commitment, and Consciousness of self, I believe that people can begin to recognize how they treat others, and make changes in their own lives that will then impact the way others act. It will become somewhat of a Common Purpose, but it starts with those three individual values.

Dilemma & Solution

Dilemma:

You are part of an organization who is planning an event at a bar.  You know that alcohol will be accessible to underage members, but there could be serious consequences to your organization if they are caught.  Do you enforce a rule to stop underage drinking because it is dangerous and against the law?  Or do you let it go because it is being done in a controlled environment and things have always been done this way?

Our Solution:

Individual vs. Community and Truth vs. Loyal

Our solution would require that at the Bar, anyone who is under the age of 21 receives X's on their hands. This allows all members of the group to come to the event and participate, while helping to manage the risks associated with underage drinking. It puts the responsibility on the individual, in order to protect the group. We said it could also be categorized as "truth vs. loyalty" because it raises the important question "Do I lie about my age and risk hurting my organization? Or do I tell the truth, and keep us out of trouble?"

Our solution falls under rule-based thinking; in this case, following the law is critical to protecting the organization and its members at the event.

The Breakfast Club Group Dynamics

The Breakfast Club

Group dynamics consist of Purpose-Structure-Time

• Purpose: To not grow up to be their parents
• Structure: Working Group
• Time: Eight-hour Saturday detention

Forming: Each student’s behavior is driven by the need of acceptance. For example, when Bender gives Brian a nasty look for making walrus sounds Brian immediately stops. An additional broad example is when they each cover for Bender when the principle walks in or picks him out. They also actively judge each other when they first meet. The students do this by asking what each other did to get in detention, what clubs they are in etc. An additional idea in forming is gathering. This is seen when they all avoid conflict even if they are being sarcastic. For instance, when the principle asks them all to raise their hands they all do.

Storming Phase:

Throughout The Breakfast Club, the group of students seems to be in a constant state of storming. They challenge each other, and contest ideas and beliefs of other group members. For example, Bender confronts the other members in the group. There are important issues that emerge in their confrontations. Their different backgrounds drive their differences in opinion. The social circles they come from influence their actions in this new and informal, group setting. Whereas the princess, Clair, and the jock, Andy, see and discuss themselves as being “well-liked” by everyone, the brain, Brian, talks about not even liking himself. These differing views of self-worth contribute to the constant storming the group encounters. Even when they reach levels of norming, they consistently fall back into patterns of storming.

Norming: The roles of the group are clear. When Andrew and Bender are in an altercations Claire makes fun of them. For instance, when Bender mocks Claire and her lipstick the others call him out and tell him it is unfair. Also in the development of this section they group begins to appreciate each other. For example, when Brian is ashamed about being a virgin Claire is compassionate because she can relate. This also shows that they are each feeling more comfortable about talking about subjects such as sex and family dynamics. The theme of acceptance is also seen when they spill the contents of their purses and wallets, while smoking together, This is when they learn more about each other. Also, the group begins to work together with the whistling, raising hands, following Benders directions especially after he sacrifices himself to save the group.

Performing: When the group finally moves into the “stage of equilibrium” it is one of the most identifying aspects of the “Performing” stage. All members of the group are forced to finally come together and discuss their ideas, their backgrounds, and their stories, in the hopes of successfully finishing their essay, and making the most of their unpleasant detention together. While they are initially unable to even speak to one another, they are now able to talk about their darkest and innermost thoughts. This is the true beginning of a “longterm relationship” in the performing stage. The things the characters choose to share are beyond what is needed for the 1,000 word essay. Now, they are sharing things about themselves in the hopes of becoming closer as individuals, and even as friends. In that sense, I believe they finally began working towards a common purpose, and not just a functional relationship. Originally, I believed that the common purpose would be finishing the essay that was assigned to them, and not causing anymore trouble in the library. By the end of the movie, and after the initial phases of the group development model, the common purpose is a desire to understand one another, and think outside of themselves.

Adjourning Phase: The Breakfast Club will not be meeting more than once so they as a group must dissolve at the end. The unique part is that they are similar to an ad hoc committee in the fact that they discussed what would happen during and after their termination. Claire and Andy will go back to being popular and making fun of Brian and Alison, and the other four will continue to ignore Bender and treat him as a criminal. Due to the groups negative conflict approach, only reaching the understanding level of intercultural processes, and never truly leaving the storming part of group development the group must adjourn without reaching or achieving their goal or purpose.

Group Roles: At the adjourning phase of TBC, their group roles are clearly defined.

Brian-Mediator, Info Seeker, Clarifier

• Asks questions, why? Do they know?
• “Guys lets all calm down”
• Clarifies the group purpose to Mr. Vernon at the end of the film in the essay
• Tries to keep the peace between the group members
• Attempts to resolve conflict between others altercations

·       He expresses his interest in maintaining the friendships when school begins

o   He is shot down

Alison-Encourager, Summarizer

• Does not speak and followers the others for the first hour of the movie
• Summarizes what everyone has said in order to remind them of what they said
• Acts as a catalyst for change within the group
• Ex: Weird behavior, humor, positive thinking
• Submissive, influential
• Remains on the outside and looks in

Bender-Opinion Giver, Blocker, DOMINATOR

• Voices his opinions on everything from family life, to personalities to socialization of teens
• Promotes self indulging ideas
• Discloses hardships and lifestyle claiming these as factors that make him superior

·       Persona of hostility, avoidant, and fearful

·       Engages others in confrontation

Claire-Encourager, Opinion Seeker

• Seeks the opinions of others before she makes decisions
• Encourages others to join, includes others in the conversations and conflicts
• Makes other members feel worth while
• Has a constant need of acceptance
• Affirms others feelings

Andy-Gatekeeper, DOMINATOR

• Invites the opinions of others, makes sure both sides of the story are heard by all
• Fights for dominance and control of the group
• Expressive about his mental an physical toughness both on and off the wrestling mat
• Displays very limited signs of weakness

TBC scores Negative on the Riddle Scale of Attitudes Towards Differences

• Repulsion
• Pity
• Tolerance
• Acceptance

TBC only reaches the understanding level on the Hoopes Intercultural Learning Process

Communication Styles:

• Aggressive: Bender, Andy, Claire, Mr. Vernor
• Assertive: Alison
• Unassertive: Brian

TBC exhibits both the advantages and liabilities of conflict however throughout the course of their existence as a group they tend to function on the liabilities side of conflict and have a hard time benefiting from it.

Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfhIcgGpWhs

"There are no strangers in this life, only friends you have yet to meet."

I was immediately captivated by our last two exercises. Like many others in the class, I have taken other types of assessments that have helped me to define my strengths and abilities, but I had never taken Myers Briggs, and I'd never even heard of True Colors.

I am so glad that I have now.

A description of an ENFP that I found says that we are ambitious (check) hold friends close to our heart (check) and firmly believe that life is for living. (CHECK!)

I appreciated that what I learned about myself from Myers Briggs could be taken and applied to my understanding of myself based on my known strengths. I also appreciated that my True Color, Blue, fit so perfectly with my strengths and MBTI profile.

I value honesty, and believe that emotions are the key to understanding ourselves and others. I am most definitely a people person, and can appreciate "the importance of a simple touch or handshake."

As a Blue ENFP, I value people. I value honest and sincere interaction and expression. I love language, and using it for the good of myself and others. I will excel, and I will fail. I will smile and laugh and cry along the way. I will live my own life to the fullest -- BUT, I will always be there to help a friend, or a stranger. After all, they are the same to me.

Personal Development and Mission Statement

With all things considered -- my personality and learning preferences were shaped less by what I am (a straight, white-but-half-Cuban, male) than by who I am, and who raised me. Yes, I'm white. I identify as half-Cuban because I am. If you try to tell me that I'm not, just because I have pale white skin, I'll most likely respond by cursing at you with particularly Cuban expletives. Yes, I'm a straight male, but I fail to see how what I am (physically) becomes the main derivation of my personality.

I believe that my personality and learning preferences came from how I was raised. I was taught always to value education. My grandfather told my mother upon leaving Cuba, that people (in this case, the Cuban government) could take everything away from you -- your home, your family, your possessions, even your claim to citizenship, but there were two things that they could never take: your faith, and your education.

I grew up hearing that story multiple times, and learning the importance of that lesson when I got to high school. My family is not well-to-do. They told me that they were putting me through a private Catholic school (my mom was employed by the Diocese so she received a large discount that allowed us to afford it) so that I could get a scholarship to college -- because they would not be able to help me finance a college education. I hated them for it. I hated that they hadn't started saving for me for college, and that if I didn't succeed in getting a full-ride, I would be at community college, paying for it on my own.

They told my sister the same thing, and I hated them for it -- until she got a full ride to the University of Alabama. I realized that the goal was achievable. Both of my parents went to college on full academic scholarships, and they expected no less from my sister or me. It was at that point that I put my nose to the grindstone, became involved in extracurricular activities and service, and attempted to distinguish myself as a student.

Fortunately for me, Ohio State offered me the scholarship of my dreams. I made my proud, and I'm still trying to do so at Ohio State today. While I recognize that what I am can influence how other people might look at me and my personality -- I wasn't raised to define who I am by those standards.


Mission Statement:

To use my skills, talents, and strengths for the advancement of what is true and honorable. To love someone fully, and bring new life into the world, that I might share with them the happiness I've known. To lead and inspire members of my community (at all times in life) to be actors for positive change. To live by a simple rule: Be Nice to one another. Be Kind to one another. Love one another.